if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
