I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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