when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
