So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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