Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
