I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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