I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize