i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
