I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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