i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish you could order shots online.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They have beer where we have blood.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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