you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
