If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
