I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How external is "for external use only"?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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