Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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