I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
