i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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