You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
