I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
