My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.