Cold hands, warm shart.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.