Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex