Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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