im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
