he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Help me help you realize you are a moron
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
