At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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