8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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