i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
