Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
