I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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