you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
