I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to calm my uterus...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
