I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
