He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I deserve this hangover.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
