It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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