Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
