i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
