you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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