I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He kissed a someone with a penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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