I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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