Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
