I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
