who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize