Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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