Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
