Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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