I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
