Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
