ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
