Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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