Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
