is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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