I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
