I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
