mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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