Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
