Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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