Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
