Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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