So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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