bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
