in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
