Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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