What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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