My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize