I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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