five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
