You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
cat food counts as protein by the way
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
