ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
