you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
