So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
