You smell like a Billy Joel song
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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