I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
